There are many negative emotions connected to the stress that goes with it, not to mention the logistics of organizing everything while ‘continuing with life’. This article can help with it.
Slow down with the reaction
Whatever the reasoning behind the separation, don’t rush into anything after making the big decision. If you were hurt in any way, don’t let it get over you. It is easy to be mad and let the rage take over you so that the only thing in your mind is to win and hurt your soon-to-be-ex.
If you have a shared property, it gets complicated easily. So don’t just react in anger and want to strip them of everything. When you have children, it is even more complicated, as they must not be in between the two of you.
Have in mind that they will suffer the most and might not be able to understand what is happening for a long time. Count to ten, give yourself time to realize that this is happening. If you are civil, everything will be done easier for you.
The next thing is to know what comes first for you. Yes, you had plans, a schedule, a whole life where everything was arranged for two or more people.
Now you still have them, but you can do whatever you want. As cohabitation becomes a habit, it is logical you might consider that you’ve forgotten how to be alone and happy, but that is all right. You have a world of possibilities around you waiting to be picked.
A hard truth is that many parents, especially divorced ones, tend to neglect themselves to be there for their children. The truth is that you should be there for yourself to be there for them.
You are supposed to bring vital decisions, and it is all right to prioritize yourself so that you do it right.
Emotional safety for children
During this not-so-pretty chapter of your life, the whole family will suffer from stress. The children are the ones that should always know that they are loved, no matter the circumstances.
Speak their love languages as much as possible to constantly reassure them that everything will be all right. Be a safe place for them by letting them ask you what they want and freely express their feelings.
If they are older, they might also need to speak to a lawyer. Therefore, it is best if you choose a local lawyer as they will be easily available.
If you are based in Sydney, your choice should be family lawyers based in Sydney, experienced, and available to your family.
Do not be afraid to ask for help from professionals, be it lawyers, therapists, or others. Not having the answers is normal, and as they might experience a lot of insecurity, the support of a professional can be healing.
Changing lifestyle is OK
A traumatic event requires a period of adaptation. There is no need to go big or go far, but you would enjoy a pleasant change. Move, switch jobs, buy new clothes or even go on a small holiday. Now is the time to let go of anything you didn’t like or were keen to do and try new things, new people, and experiences.
If you feel lonely, depressed, and don’t want to deal with anything new, you might still benefit from the change. Even if you consider yourself too busy or too unmotivated, you could try out a new hobby – there are so many possibilities out there! New gadgets, new places, and new inventions are created every day, and you might look at what’s new – for yourself and your loved ones.
Lean on friends and family
No one can, and no one will be there for you like your friends and family. Whereas families might have disputes around the whole separation thing, your friends will always root for you. Loved your ex or not, even with all their love and support, don’t fall into trap of wanting revenge. You can feel however you want, but your feelings still won’t speed up your road to freedom.
On the other hand, feel free to lean on them for support, conversation, and those long hugs we need the most when stressed. Even though they are not you, they are still a part of your life. And when everything seems to be falling apart, it is great to have a structure, a shoulder to lean on.
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Give yourself time
Lastly, give yourself time. Time to sleep, time to think, time to decide, time to not think, no matter how long you need it for. The cliché that time heals all wounds is true in this case, as your new phase of life, the one you can create however you like, just now with more experience and knowledge about your needs and wishes. Divorce signifies that you should have yourself to yourself and that you are making it happen!
Alison Pearson is an interior design student. She is a writer and designer, and her ultimate passion is art and architecture. She is also a bibliophile and her favorite book is "The Sound and the Fury" by William Faulkner. Follow her on Twitter.
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